When people enquire about booking me for their event one of the things I usually mention is that I try to remember the names of the guests as I circulate around the room. I ask for their name so that I can use it whilst talking to them – it may be subtle but it really does help make people realise that the trick they are seeing is for them, and they are directly involved in making it happen.
However, it isn’t until I circulate back to a group again and continue to use their names that people realise that I’ve actually remembered it – particularly impressive at a wedding when guests are frantically trying to remember the name of a fellow guest who has just introduced themselves to them.
Sometimes it isn’t until I get a name wrong that it suddenly dawns on the guests that I’ve been remembering everyone else’s name.
When guests point it out I joke that if I bumped into them in a shop tomorrow morning I wouldn’t have any idea who they are as it is mainly short term memory. However, I do often see people at other events often years later – and though I can’t always recall their name immediately, it is quite shocking just how much I remember. At Linda’s recent 60th birthday I met a guests who I’d last seen ten years previously (at Linda’s 50th birthday) and not only could I remember him and his name, I could also remember what he was wearing!
And ironically it was this item of clothing that I used as a memory hook ten years prior that allowed me to link to his name in memory vaults.
Tips to Remember Names
There are several effective tricks and techniques to help you remember people’s names better. Here are some of the most useful, and I personally use a combination of these techniques – to varying results.
Repeat the Name Immediately
When someone introduces themselves, say their name back: “Nice to meet you, Sarah.”
Use it a few times during the conversation to reinforce it. Of course for me I’m asking people to pick cards, write things down, and all other types of actions when performing; so this give me opportunity to use their name without it getting to weird!
Honestly, out of all the tips this one is the thing I do first, and gives the best – and quickest – results.
Visual Association
Associate the person’s name with a visual image or a rhyming word. The human brain remembers images better than single words.
“Mark” → picture him holding a marker pen
Tie it to something distinctive about their appearance or behaviour.
I used this technique in the example I used above with the person who I remembered after ten years. His name was Ray, and he was wearing a yellow bowtie – so I visualised the knot in the middle being the sun, with the bows of the bowtie being two big rays of sun.
You do need to get lucky with this one as it doesn’t lend itself to all names, and some ‘out of the box’ thinking can be required.
Connect with Someone You Already Know
Link their name with someone familiar. You have already remembered their name for the other person, so find something in common between them. Often this works for a visual feature, but if you are having a conversation something else may crop up.
For example you meet someone called Ben who has short spikey hair. This reminds you a little of your cousin called Ben who also has a similar hairstyle. You now aren’t remembering the name directly, but the association.
Ask a Question About the Name
This gives you time to process and associate it. Ask if it is “short for something?” or “How do you spell that?” Actually raising this demonstrates that you not only listened to their name, but you are interested enough to find out more about it. This not only helps you to remember their name, but also build rapport.
But please don’t the “you don’t hear that name everyday, well, you probably do” joke. If they have an unusual name they may feel self-conscious about it, and they may think you are making fun of them and their name.
Create a Mental Anchor
This is more of a brute force approach where you link name + face + context. For example: “Matt, graphic designer with curly hair, met at design meetup.”
Repeat it over and over in your head, and if possible make a quick note of it. Firstly you can refer back to the note at a future time to remind yourself, but also act of writing it down can help solidify it in your mind.
This of course is not practical if you are then having a conversation with the person, but if it is a quick introduction and you can keep the details in your mind long enough to repeat it to yourself immediately afterwards it should work.
Also, it may work in a meeting where everyone introduces themselves, and there are just a coupe of people you don’t know. This gives you times to get the salient points in your mind, and jot them down when convenient.
Use Mnemonics
I personally wouldn’t use this technique for names, but have used it for larger pieces of information – such as learning how to recite the alphabet in reverse. And using mnemonics pretty much any can do that in a couple of minutes by making it into a story. (I won’t go through that now, but happy to let you in on the secret if you book me for an event!)
A simple version for a slightly tougher name would be to break it down into sections, then use those sections to build story or picture in your mind.
Say you meet a person named Wolfgang, you could picture this person howling like a wolf at a gang of musicians.
Repetition is the key to remembering names
Once you have chosen a technique for a particular person and their name, the key is to keep using it. As mentioned I will continue using their name as I perform, then again as I mingle and come back to them. However, over time (which in my case can be just an hour or two at a wedding reception or party) the brain will make start creating a shortcut in your mind – where just seeing a face will link directly to their name – just like with all you current friends and family.
Once you get to this stage it is more natural, but you can always fall back on the ‘key’ to manually unlock the information if it doesn’t pop into your head straight away.
And should you get it wrong don’t worry – the fact is it is likely they will not have remembered your name, and the fact that you have at least tried to remember theirs shows you have shown a genuine interest in them.
